By Chera Mann, LCSW

The biggest predictor of success in therapy is the relationship between the client and the therapist (Falkenström 2013). Surprised? Sure- it’s also important that your therapist has adequate training and uses evidence-based approaches, but your therapist’s training is not the only thing you should be concerned about. A real, genuine connection is an essential part of the process.

Building a working relationship with your therapist takes some work. Just like all relationships there is a period of “getting to know each other” that you both must go through. During the first session your therapist has specific information that they have to obtain. In addition, most people are a bit nervous the first time they meet their new therapist. Your therapist knows that you are ready to feel better and they really do want to help, but there is no shortcut. Prepare yourself to spend a few sessions getting to know your therapist’s personality and working to build a sense of trust and safety with them. This can take a bit more time if it is difficult for you to trust people.

So what should you do if you don’t feel a connection with your therapist?

1. Ask yourself if you have given it a good try and enough time to get over the initial discomfort of sharing all of your personal life with a stranger.
2. Talk to the therapist and tell them what you are looking for. It is not reasonable to expect them to anticipate all of your needs. Do you need them to be more direct? More goal oriented? Have you been clear in expressing what you are looking for?
3. Try again. Sometimes the fit between a therapist and a client is just not right. This does not mean that therapy won’t work for you. It just means that you haven’t found the right fit yet and since the relationship is so important in your success you owe it to yourself to try again!

Falkenström F, Granström F, Holmqvist R. Therapeutic alliance predicts symptomatic improvement session by session. J Couns Psychol. 2013 Jul;60(3):317-28. doi: 10.1037/a0032258. Epub 2013 Mar 18. PMID: 23506511.