In our therapy practice, we often see clients who know they’ve been through some really tough times in their childhood, but they struggle to describe exactly what they’re experiencing. Specifically, clients with parents who have narcissistic personality disorder, or even just strong narcissistic traits, have some pretty specific symptoms they share when they come into our office. If you think you might have had a parent with narcissism, stick with me for the next few minutes as I guide you through what you can do now as an adult to begin your healing journey from this type of abuse.
If you’re unsure about what narcissism is or whether your parents might meet some of this criteria, you can check out our previous videos for a more detailed explanation. But for today’s discussion, I’ll briefly remind you that narcissism involves a significant lack of empathy for others and a tendency to see everything as a reflection of oneself. A parent with narcissism likely had a really difficult time empathizing with you or understanding your emotions.
Understanding Narcissistic Parenting
People with narcissistic parents often feel that their emotions are always wrong, a belief instilled in them from childhood. Their parents commonly told them their emotions were too much or that they just needed to stop feeling a certain way. Now, if your parent did this, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a narcissist—they might just lack emotional intelligence. But in the case of narcissism, these invalidating behaviors happen far more frequently. Children with narcissistic parents often feel they’re not allowed to have their own opinions or emotional expressions and that they must always take care of their parent’s emotional needs.
It’s important to recognize that everyone experiences some level of narcissism at times. We all struggle with empathy occasionally and sometimes put ourselves first. However, being parented by a narcissist means this lack of empathy and emotional invalidation was a consistent part of your childhood.
Steps Towards Healing
So, what can you do about it now? My first recommendation is to seek therapy because there are likely many aspects of your childhood that you’ll need to work through. But today, I want to give you a quick intervention to help you start separating yourself from that narcissistic person in your life. Don’t panic—this doesn’t necessarily mean cutting off the relationship entirely. While sometimes that is the only way, especially if the relationship is highly abusive, there are ways to navigate these relationships.
Today, we’re focusing on mental and emotional separation from the narcissist in your life. Here’s a simple yet powerful exercise you can try:
- Visualize Your Personal Space:
- Imagine yourself in your own personal physical space. Whether you’re sitting or standing, visualize a bubble growing around your entire being. This bubble is invisible and can be permeable if you choose, but it primarily exists to separate you and who you are from everyone else around you.
- Establish Your Bubble:
- As you notice this bubble, take a couple of deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is your personal space where you have control. In this space, you are allowed to experience anything you want or need to experience. It isn’t a problem because it’s just inside your bubble.
- Acknowledge Your Thoughts:
- Start by noticing the thoughts running through your head. These might be opinions or just random thoughts. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have your own thoughts and opinions within this bubble. It doesn’t mean you have to share them with the narcissist right away or ever because that might not be safe. But it’s perfectly okay for these thoughts to exist within your bubble.
- Check in with Your Body:
- Pay attention to the sensations in your body. Whatever emotions you’re experiencing are also safe within this bubble. Again, this doesn’t mean you need to express these emotions to the other person in your life immediately. You’ll determine in the future if that’s something safe for you to do. For now, give yourself the space to just be.
- Practice Regularly:
- This exercise can be done multiple times a day. Stop and picture yourself inside your bubble, allowing yourself to have your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This might sound simple, but for those raised by a narcissist, it can be really challenging and scary. You might need to do it in small doses or for short periods at first. Start with one thought at a time, one that you allow yourself to have even if it’s different from what the narcissist would approve of.
By giving yourself this emotional and physical space to be your own person, you can start to set boundaries and see yourself as a separate and individual person who doesn’t have to always think and feel the same things as the narcissist.
Seeking Professional Help
This is just one of the first steps in therapy to help you begin to recover from narcissistic abuse. If you believe this is something you’ve experienced, I highly recommend reaching out to a mental health professional. There are many exercises like this one that can help you get into a better space and start your healing journey.
Thanks for joining me today. If you have any other questions about narcissism and how to navigate these relationships in your life, check out more of our videos or reach out directly. Your journey to healing starts with recognizing your worth and giving yourself the space to be who you truly are.
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