Hey everyone! I’m glad you’re here. Today, I want to dive into a topic that many of us have pondered at one point or another: how do we make sense of our parents’ behavior? Were they being overly strict, were they narcissistic, or were they just doing their best with the tools they had? This can be a tough nut to crack, but let’s unpack it together.

The Dilemma: Strict or Narcissistic?

Let’s start with a common scenario. Imagine you’re a teenager who wants to stay out late with friends. Your parents, however, impose a curfew that you feel is unreasonable. You argue that all your friends are staying out later, but your parents stand firm. You feel unheard, unvalidated, and perhaps you throw around the term “narcissist” to describe them. But is this fair or accurate?

In therapy, I’ve noticed a shift where teenagers use very clinical terms like “my parents don’t validate me” more frequently. When I was a teenager, this kind of language wasn’t part of our vocabulary. This change suggests that while young people are more informed about psychological concepts, they may not always fully understand them.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days, often without a full understanding of what it truly means. A narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a few key traits: an inability to experience empathy, a constant need for admiration, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. If a parent exhibits these traits consistently, it can significantly impact their child’s development.

However, it’s crucial to differentiate between a parent who occasionally exhibits narcissistic behaviors and one who has a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. We all have moments where we are self-centered or struggle with empathy. That doesn’t necessarily make us narcissists.

The Impact of a Narcissistic Parent

If you grew up with a parent who was genuinely narcissistic, it could have left some lasting scars. Children of narcissists often struggle with self-worth, boundaries, and a sense of self. They might feel inherently bad or doubt their ability to make good decisions because they were constantly told that their feelings and thoughts were wrong.

This kind of upbringing can lead to various issues, including anxious attachment, codependency, and people-pleasing tendencies. If every decision you made as a child was criticized, it’s no wonder you might struggle with self-confidence and decision-making as an adult.

Therapy: A Path to Healing

So, what can therapy do to help if you had a narcissistic parent? Quite a lot, actually. Therapy can assist in:

1. Building Self-Worth: Understanding that you are not inherently bad and working through those deep-seated self-worth issues.
2. Establishing Boundaries: Learning what makes you feel safe and how to set boundaries with others, including parents.
3. Discovering Your Sense of Self: Figuring out who you are, what your opinions are, and feeling confident enough to express them appropriately.
4. Learning New Skills: Sometimes, therapy is about learning skills that you were never taught. This could include self-regulation, healthy communication, and developing good self-esteem.

Self-Diagnosing: A Cautionary Note

It’s tempting to label our parents based on the behaviors we experienced, but it’s essential to approach this carefully. Diagnosing your parent as a narcissist based on a few traits or behaviors can be harmful and may not be accurate. The relationship between parent and child is complex, and many factors contribute to a parent’s behavior.

If you suspect that your parent might have narcissistic tendencies, it’s best to explore this with a therapist. A professional can help you understand the nuances of your upbringing and provide the support you need to heal.

Moving Forward

Regardless of whether your parent was strict, narcissistic, or somewhere in between, the most important thing is how you move forward. Therapy can help you process your past, understand the impact it had on you, and develop strategies to cope and thrive in your present and future.

Remember, everyone’s parents had their struggles and shortcomings. But dwelling on the past won’t change it. What’s under our control is how we deal with those experiences now. Therapy offers a safe space to explore these issues and work towards a healthier, happier you.

Thank you for joining me today and taking the time to read through these thoughts. If this resonates with you, or you have more questions, feel free to reach out or leave a comment. Let’s keep this conversation going and support each other on this journey.

Until next time, take care!

1. Be on the Same Page with the Other Parent

If you’re in a two-parent household, it’s essential to be on the same page with your partner. Inconsistencies between parents can be just as problematic as 

It’s important to note that not all compulsions are visible to others. Some are mental rituals or behaviors done internally to neutralize the anxiety triggered by obsessions.

Now, you might wonder, how do you know if your habits are just quirks or something more? Here’s a good rule of thumb: if these behaviors or thoughts cause significant distress, take up excessive time, or disrupt your daily life, it might be time to consider whether OCD is a factor.

For example, organizing your closet by color might just be a personal preference unless finding it out of order causes intense distress or makes you feel compelled to spend hours fixing it. That disproportionate distress or time commitment is a key indicator that it might be OCD.

Understanding OCD goes beyond recognizing symptoms; it’s about empathy and support. Using the term casually (“I’m so OCD”) can trivialize the experiences of those who genuinely struggle with the disorder. Instead, let’s strive to educate ourselves and others about what OCD really entails.

If you think you or someone you know might have OCD, seeking professional help can make a significant difference. There are effective treatments, such as therapy and sometimes medication, that can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life.

Stay tuned to my channel this week for more videos diving deeper into OCD. We’ll discuss common misconceptions, share personal stories, and explore how to differentiate between quirks and clinical OCD. Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and comment—I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions!